Creamy Cucumber Bites

Well hello there. Told you I’d be back. I don’t have much time to talk, so let’s cut to the chase.  Or, cut the cheese! ::groan:: Now that we’ve fulfilled our corny joke quota for the post- behold! My latest creation.

Yes, seriously, that’s it.  Here’s the rundown!

Gluten Free: Check
Candida Friendly: Only if you can eat Goat Cheese, so, no?
SCD: No
Lacto/Ovo Vegetarian: Check
Vegan: No, unless you use soy cheese

Ingredients

  • 5-6 Large Cucumbers
  • 12 Oz Goat Cheese. Vegan Hack: Use a vegan cheese!
  • 1 Tbspn Dill, Chopped, to taste
  • 1 Medium Onion, finely grated, with juice
  • 1 bottle Capers
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Prepping the Cheese

Prepping the cucumbers

….and now the easy part: Assembly.

 

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This is pretty much up to you, but I assembled these as follows:

1. Daub a little bit of the cheese mixture onto a decorated cucumber half

2. Top with a few “droplets” of grated onion.

3. Garnish with a caper.

VOILA! I guarantee you- they will love it.

So I’ve kinda lost steam..

Going on a three week long tour of Archeological sites related to the missionary tours of Apostle Paul (plus a bunch of other irrelevant, yet extremely pleasurable destinations) will do that to you. So, in lieu of a recipe, I present:

Nothing.

 Well,  there is the assurance that I didn’t die during a protest in Turkey or Greece. AND, the food was amazing. Seriously. Maybe we have a traditional greek meal in our future?

 Don’t you worry! I’ll be up and cooking like a fiend before you know it. 

Cheers,

Daphne

 

Autumnal Cookies for the Autoimmune Folk.

Bad Food Blog Photography

Gratuitous photo of squash to disguise my lack of a “money” shot

Or, in more SEO friendly terms: Pumpkin Spice Cookies- SCD, Nut Free Gluten Free, Candida, and Hackable Vegan!

Yeah, so, I’ve been out of town. First, to Cape May, and most recently, to stay with good friends in Martha’s Vinyard. I’d love to regale you with stories of my exploits, but instead I’m going to get back on the horse and give you all a recipe. Oh, and I’m going to remind you that food bloggers are mortals too. Onward, my first ever self-deprecating post!

So, this came about in a bout of desperation about two three four weeks ago. We were in Cape May, land of ice cream and fudge, with not an SCD or gluten-free friendly place in sight, except for that really tiny organic market which just happened to be out of reach (and budget. What was it, $10.00 for nutmeg? I mean, I love you and all, but screw you). Lucky for us, we had rented an apartment at the lovely John Wesley Inn, which was equipped with a full kitchen. We also had a random acorn squash. Here’s what happened.

Now, I later reproduced this recipe with pumpkin/butternut squash and it was just as good. And then, when I decided to photograph it, I tried to bake it in these lovely little decorative cake molds.

SCD Bake Fail

Tasty, but disgusting.

It was disasterous. No, seriously. I didn’t grease the pans properly, and the batter was too sticky, and I cooked it too long, and it all burned and went to hell. So, don’t do that. But lucky for you, I have emerged a wiser woman, just in time to pass my profound and arcane knowledge somewhere toward your general direction.

Hmmm… let’s see. What else? You can use this proportion (key word, PROPORTION) of spices to flavor any generic “autumnal” dessert, but it works particularly well with squashes and pumpkins. This batter makes an amazing pumpkin pie, but it can also be spooned onto a cookie sheet to make really delicious, gooey cookies.

Oh, and if you replace the eggs with flax-seeds, and the butter with coconut oil, and the honey with your sweetener of choice, it’s Vegan too! Then again, pretty much anything is vegan if you do all that.. anyway.

Time for the Rundown:

  • SCD: Check
  • Candida Diet Friendly: Check
  • Kid Friendly: Yes!
  • Gluten Free: Check
  • Nut Free: Yes
  • Dairy: If butter is tolerated, then this is lactose free.
  • Vegan: Yes, with some hacks
  • Low Fat: Sort of

We Begin.

Ingredients

  • 2 Acorn Squash
  • 3/4Cup + 2 Tbspns of Butter (Or 3/4 Cup+ 2TBs of Coconut Oil)
  • 2.5 Teaspoons Cinnamon
  • 1 Teaspoon Nutmeg
  • 3 Cloves, Grated
  • 1/2 Teaspoon Ginger
  • 1/2 Teaspoons Salt
  • 2.5 Teaspoons Vanilla
  • 4 Eggs (Or a suitable ratio of flax seed. For no-bake, you can use gelatin too)
  • 1/2-3/4 Cup Coconut Flour, depending on how wet the squash is.
  • Honey, to taste. I added a little over a half cup. For vegans: Brown Sugar, Sugar, Agave, or the sweetener of your choice.
  • An oven, preheated to 350 degrees

Prepping the Squash

Making the Batter and Cakes

 

And now, the moment of truth!

 

Eat, and thank me in your prayers for having saved you 13 hours of scrubbing charred squash fragments out of tiny crevices with a toothbrush.

#hatemylife

OH! By the way, I’m handing out samples of my food this Thursday at Sunnyside CSA. Feel free to drop by and visit!

I’m not dead! I’m not dead! But my phone was…

Biglaw's Biggest Feeder Schools

My Latest Work!

First, I was on vacation. Then I was busy. Then, I was on vacation again. (Hello Greenes! I Hope you are reading.) Then, my phone wouldn’t connect to my PC, so I couldn’t upload pictures without investing 3 hours e-mailing them to myself individually.

So I worked on another Infographic for the lovely folks over at abovethelaw.com. Go on over there and give them some advertising dollars, on me!  :)  By the way, now that my phone/camera situation is sorted, standby for more recipes. There should be one coming up REAL soon.  In fact, I already have the recipe. And the photos.

OH! And in other news, in case you are interested, in two weeks I’ll be doing a cooking demonstration/sampling at Sunnyside CSA.  So, all of you who are just dying to meet me in person and slit my throat get my autograph, this is your chance!

Prison Food by Zagat, while you wait for your famine food…

For those of you who have ever wondered about the complex evolution of prison food through the ages, those dastardly folks at Zagat have done it again.  Now, many of you may have discerned from my last post that I love nails, despite the fact that they are not edible…

[OK,  I know, that you know I only have- like- one reader, which makes that sentence all the even more pathetic. #Ipaintmynailswhilecryingalone  #surroundedbycats]

..but, alas for you fashion-forward folk, I also love urban ruins- no, seriously, I do- and I don’t mean the kind that appear in some people’s mirrors on a regular basis. Some years ago I had the opportunity to visit Eastern State Penitentiary, in Philly.   If you are interested in the crumbling facility upon which the modern prison system is based, and where Al Capone spent some time, take a look at this awsome photo gallery.

If you aren’t, then at least finish my post.

Come on, it’s like 4 sentences.

Good, glad I still have you. Imagine my glee and subsequent disappointment upon discovering that Eastern State Penitentiary held a prison food tasting event this past MAY.  It could have been a perfect marriage of two things I love : food plus urban ruins; plus the history of food in an urban ruin.  If only I had a triple rainbow illustration.  Anyway, lucky for me Zagat was onsite to sample the fare report their findings and give a brief tour of the facility.  Have a look!
PS- According to an entire subset of the internet, nails actually are edible. Gross? You all can find that one all by yourselves.

Procrastinating… WITH ART!

Nail Art Template Sketch Pad

OH MY GOD. She’s ALIVE! Can we eat this?

Yes, I’m alive… and no, not quite.

The current work-in-progress at KM is one in a series of “famine food” tutorials designed to come in handy during those times that give us all an opportunity to demonstrate how irresponsible with money perseverant we are under financial pressure.*

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get tables to work properly in WordPress. SO, until I figure that out, I’ve temporarily turned my attentions to my other love- nail art.

IGNORANT SEXIST #1: She paints her nails?! Man, I thought chicks like her only scratched their armpits and flossed their teeth with chainsaw blades…

Pardon my reflexive hiss in said audience member’s direction. Unlike Chuck Norris/Paul Bunyan/Brawny American Figure of your choosing, I don’t floss my teeth with chainsaw blades. Nor do I wear flannel.  I may have my “ungirly” moments, but I also really like to paint my nails. Really.  Nail polish is right up there with insects and snails and bizarre ephemera from lost ages/worlds :-)

And… can you tell I have a chip on my shoulder today?  Maybe I do, or maybe I am just producing facetious dialogue for your entertainment in order to create the illusion of substance. (Cause really, guys, I’ve got nothing this week)

In other words, I created some dinky nail-art related infographic thing and I intend to use my food blog to pimp it out. In the process I also violated all those unwritten rules about content and traffic and interest and readership and whatever.  Sue me! But do make sure to paint your nails, first…and use my template to come up with a design!

Talk soon…

* This comment was intended in jest. For those of you actually experiencing financial troubles, my deepest sympathy to you. Hopefully the upcoming recipes will help you feed yourself/your family while saving a few dollars.

Stuffed Grape Leaves from Scratch: Greek, but Vegan

Kettle Meddler Vegan Stuffed Grape Leaves

Holy Grail music, optional…

Oh!  She’s making those Greek things… the rice things!  So exotic… what are they wrapped in, green phyllo?  How do they create all the little veins? I can’t wait to have some with my Oy0kos yogurt! Can you also make Spanakopara? I love Spanakopora!  I mean what better way to usher in summer than with a fresh plate of  dolm… dolmak…dolmadres!  

Whaaaa?  You better back that thing up, right now. PLZ.

Dolmades.

Say it for me slowly: DOLE- MAH- thehs.  Or, just dolmadakia.  But I’m not that ambitious so you might have to figure out how to say that yourself.  :)

Ok, so I know I promised this like, three weeks ago, but I’ve been procrastinating.

Why? Well, sometimes life is crazy. And sometimes I’m just too distracted.  Hey, you ever wonder when socks were invented?

On a more serious note, today we’re exploring a  dish with a complex history that no one country can really lay claim to having invented, though I’m sure this is up for debate among those with stronger national affiliations than I.  And unlike most  “old-skool” foods,  it happens to be  both vegan and gluten free without any modifications.  Bring it to a Mediterranean themed party and your friends will love you!

A word of caution: don’t tell Yia Yia you are vegan, she might try to medicate you, or excorcise the demones with garlic cloves and pennies.

Now, as with many traditional foods, preparing dolmadakia isn’t for the faint-hearted or in-a-hurry.  Actually it takes all day.  But I guarantee you that once you’ve made these yourself, you will have a hard time eating them out of a can without gagging.  (Zing! Sorry Krinos and Zanae. You know I love you, but I can’t be with you like this anymore…)

ANYWAY.  The first item we need to secure are the grape leaves.  In fact, today I’m feeling so magnanimous that I am not only going to show the way to stuffed grape leaves, but I am also going to show you how to choose and prepare the leaves yourself.  Double Rainbow!

GRAPE LEAF JOY

Can you feel the power?

BUT… BUT… KM… HOW DO WE CHOOSE THEM?! I MEAN… what… do we just go up to the vine and TAKE THEM?

Yes, with a few caveats.

I’m sure if you ASK the vine owner if he will allow you to pluck a few leaves off his vine, the viniculture gods won’t punish you.   Trouble is,  fresh grape leaves are extremely hard to find if you don’t live near a vinyard or Astoria,  where there’s a grape vine or three on every block due to smuggling saplings on a transatlantic flight in shoes  the very enterprising work  of several Greek/Italian immigrants all those decades ago.  (To be fair, all 2 of you reading probably live within blocks of me, so you might not have much trouble at all.)

Before you attempt to use the anti-elitist rant from my first post against me, hear me out.   The flavor and texture freshly plucked grape leaves makes a big difference in this recipe. Fresh, individually selected leaves are not  in the least bit comparable to something that has, for the last several months, been slowly decom- pardon, brining  in a glass jarcophagus deep in the bowels of Publix.  And so, if I can avoid using preserved leaves, I do.

But, dear reader, fear not,  for I am a reasonable snob. Preserved grape leaves can be purchased here, and here.

[Reader beware- I can't vouch for how "clean" these products are as far as chemicals are concerned]

If you are feeling very ambitious, you can also learn how to preserve them yourself, here.

Anyway, don’t worry too much about this. I may be posturing somewhat, but your  jarred grape leaves will turn out just fine, I promise.  Almost no one you know has ever eaten these fresh to begin with, so they won’t even  know the difference. All better? Good.

We Begin.

Ingredients and Procedure

  • 2 Cups of long grain white rice
  • 50-75 grape leaves
  • 1 Cup of Parsley (or just, equal parts with Dill)
  • 1 Cup of  Dill (or just, equal parts with Parsley)
  • 1/2 cup Mint
  • 1/2 cup of Olive Oil
  • Salt, to taste
  • Pepper, to taste
  • 1 very large yellow onion
  • A handful or two of chopped scallion, to taste.
  • 4-5 Lemons
  • An entire day. Yes, I am serious.

Picking the Leaves

So, you probably want to pluck the leaves in late spring, let’s say May-June. This is when there are still new leaves on the vine.  Here’s what you are looking for:

  • Unblemished and untorn leaves,  6″-7″ in diameter, with small-medium veins. Don’t worry if they are a bit smaller or larger than this, but if they are too much larger they might be stringy. Alternately, if they are too small they will disintegrate in the pot.  Don’t go measuring leaves on me, now.  Just look at what’s “mid-size” on your individual vine and go from there.
  • Medium thickness- about the thickness of a few sheets of paper.
  • The surface should be with supple and  “waxy”.  Avoid using leaves that are already really “hairy”.
  • Avoid mildewed or misshapen leaves.
  • Avoid any leaves that contain bird feces.  Stop gagging!  Just keeping it real. Do you think jarred grape leaves come from a mythical realm devoid of  wildlife? No, Waldbaums doesn’t count.  Go back to your self-imposed exile from the harsh winds (or falling projectiles) of avian waste, my friend.
  • Smiles everyone! Make sure you also grab 15-20  leaves that are less than “perfect”.  These will be used to line the bottom of the pot and between layers.

Capiche?  Don’t worry,  I have pictures.

Preparing the Leaves

Grape leaves are kinda dirty and have stems.  They’re also bitter and stringy.  But dolmadakia don’t have pointy stringy sticks on them that impale your soft palette as you try to chew.  And they aren’t bitter. They also don’t have insects, holes, or a central nervous system.  This means you need to prep the leaves before using them.  While Mrs. Vlachopoulos may scream at you while you selectively defoliate her yard,  at least the leaves won’t scream while you do this to them (No CNS, remember?)

This part is up for debate. Some people remove the stems before they boil the leaves to remove the bitterness.  Others  remove the stems first and then boil the leaves to remove the bitterness. I’ve done this both ways with no significant differences.  So, I’m just going to tell you that you need to leave the stems on, because it happens that I only have photos of the stems-on process. See how I gave you a behind- the-scenes there?  I’m so cool.  FYI- if you don’t want to pick your leaves and make your dolmades on the same day, you can keep these in a bowl of cool water, covered, in the refrigerator for a day or two and nothing will happen to them.

Making the Filling

Rolling the Dolmades

Cooking the Dolmades

At this point, you are going to bring the pot to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer the dolmades at very low flame until the rice is cooked.  This can take an hour, it can take an hour and a half, it can take two hours. I can’t stress this enough- you need to check.

May Lerios actually has a much more detailed cooking process here. She uses a crockpot, instead of a conventional one.  According to her suggestion,  your best bet is to simmer them for 45 minutes, taste one, and continue cooking as needed. This is what I did.

Once they are done, let them cool for a bit and pour out the water while  holding the plate down, to keep them from falling out of the pot .  Arrange on a platter and allow to further cool. Squeeze a lemon or two over the top and and serve.

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YUM! See you next time! Keep an eye out on my tumblr, and see if you can guess the next recipe!

PS-  While I can’t claim to own the Greek language, It’s pronounced EE-Kose, not OY-KOSE. Every time I hear those dreadful ads I cringe and part of my broca’s area disintegrates.   Can someone please give the brand managers over at Dannon a clue, please!

GF/SCD Apple Cinnamon Cheese Cake- It’s even Candida Diet Friendly :)

Gluten Free SCD Cheese Cake on a plate... kettlemeddler.com As a continued affront to the notion that those on specialized diets are confined to a culinary wasteland sculpted from boiled peas and fish broth, I present this recipe.

 And now, a dramatic reenactment of its conception. Picture it: Sicily, 1934…

HA, No. It went more like this:

A LIVING ROOM IN ASTORIA. MEMORIAL DAY.

SCD Friend: Yo I want cheese cake
Me: Yeah? Got any Apples?
SCD Friend: Yeah…
Me: Want me to make some? Could go on the blog….
SCD Friend: YETH OMG. But please don’t destroy my kitchen….

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE ENDS

And that is how SCD Apple Cinnamon Cheese Cake was born.   Actually, this turned out so good the first time my friend and I ate the whole thing in one day, and I had to make another one last night with different apples! So, you  know, there’s technically two cakes worth of pictures on this post.  Don’t you feel special?

For those of you wondering- here is the dietary rundown:

  • Gluten Free? Check.
  • SCD Friendly: Check
  • Paleo-Diet- Don’t think so
  • Candida Diet Friendly? Yes, if you can handle fruit and a little honey.
  • Lactose Content:  Very very low, on account of using dry curd instead of cream cheese.  But do check with your lactose intolerant friends before serving them.
  • Nut Allergies: Not safe, tons of almonds, but no peanuts or walnuts.
  • Vegan: Nope
  • Weight Watchers: Makes 8 hearty servings, 8 points each.

Did I mention It would * ALSO* also be amazing with some ice cream? Or,  Dairy/Sugar Free Ice Cream for those of you on SCD and Candida.  (Go on and give Jen some love- her SCD Ice Cream recipe is awesome)

We Begin.

Ingredients And Procedure 

Crust

  • 1/2 Cup Coconut Flour
  • 1/2 Cup Almond Flour
  • 2 Tbspns Cold butter
  • Salt, to taste. I prefer coarser, pink salt or celtic sea salt.  You want the crust to be salty.
  • Cinnamon, to taste. Let’s say 4 shakes.
  • Nutmeg, to taste. Let’s say 1-2 Shakes
  • A dash of Almond Extract
  • 1/2 Tspn High Quality Vanilla. [Emphasized, because cheaper vanilla means you need to add more to get the right flavor. Yes, I learned it the hard way]
  • Optional Hack: a sweetener.  If you are not on SCD or the Candida Diet , Brown Sugar works really well.

Note on further hacking: If you are going to do a chilled version of this instead of a baked one, you will need to assemble the crust and bake it separately  for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees, or until it is “golden brown”.  Don’t forget to omit the eggs in lieu of gelatin and chill in the refrigerator, instead of the oven.

Filling

  • 1/2 cup Almond Flour
  • 2 Eggs, or gelatin, if you are looking to make a chilled pie.
  • 1 tspn Vanilla, to “taste”
  • 3  Medium Golden Delicious Apples, or any apple of your preference
  • 1 Package of Friendship Dry Curd/Farmer Cheese.  Or just 8 Oz dry curd, period.
  • 1/2 Cup SCD Yogurt, or plain Yogurt
  • Optional:1/4 Cup Coconut Milk
  • 1/4 Cup Honey, less 1 Tbspn.  Set aside that last tablespoon.  Brown Sugar also works very very nicely here.
  • 1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda or Baking Powder

Topping

  • 2-3 Golden Delicious Apples
  • 1 tablespoon Honey or Brown Sugar. You can add more if you like, but I am trying to keep the sugar at moderate levels.
  • 1 teaspoon Vanilla, to taste
  • Cinnamon- to taste
  • Nutmeg- to taste.

Now, Combine!  You will want this to cool fully before you even attempt to cut it because it crumbles easily.  Personal experience tells me this also tastes much better the next day, but I won’t judge you for digging in as soon as it is cools enough not to burn a hole in your face… ;)

The Final Products

Thanks for reading!

In next week’s recipe:  Better photography with color correction and something you can bring to a  Greek person’s house (It won’t be lamb, I promise.)

Curry Chicken Pot Pie – SCD/Candida/GF. Hell Yeah, I went there.

Scd pot pieYES. I’m serious.

RAY OF LIGHT APPEARS IN INDISTINGUISHABLE DARKNESS. ANGELIC CHOIR COMMENCES. GANDALF EMERGES FROM LENS FLARE HOLDING HANDS WITH CAPTAIN PICARD AND SPOCK. THEY ARE EATING THIS PIE. UNIVERSE COLLAPSES INTO SINGULAR POINT OF JOY.

SHHH! Not now! Come on, really? So cliché…

No seriously. If you can ignore my perverse nerd fantasies, this hack IS AMAZING. Did I mention that its also Gluten Free, Nut Free, Shellfish Free, SCD and Candida Diet friendly? What is that, like, a pentuple threat? The only person who can’t eat this is your quirky vegan friend, or someone who is allergic to chicken. (Sorry C., R., and R., I’ll get to you all next time, I promise) Oh yeah, and the 3 of you who hate Indian food. (Get off my blog!) Anyway. Those of you who know me well, which likely constitutes my entire readership, know that little thrills me more than a culinary challenge. Whether that means my life sucks or not, this recipe remains one of my more favorite victories.

As an aside- I never cease to be amazed at how often people assume that those on restrictive diets “can’t eat real food”. To all you haters: I dare you to make this, eat it, then try to say that to my face. Go on.

The Curry

Any curry will do, really. I chose a Goan curry, since I had never made it before. (It’s good!) The recipe I used is a variant of the Goan Chicken Curry Recipe on About.com. This curry takes about 1.5 hours to make, so make sure you make it in advance. It serves 4 people on its own.

  • 1.5 Lbs Chicken Breast, boneless, skinless, cubed or sliced.
  • 2 Tbspn Vegetable Oil
  • 1 Teaspoon Mustard Seeds
  • 1 Large Onion, Sliced
  • 3 Garlic Cloves, Finely Sliced
  • 1″ inch chunk of Ginger, thinly sliced, or to taste (OPTIONAL)
  • 3 Cups of So Delicious Coconut Milk Beverage (to keep calories down). If you want to go the legit route, use 2-3 cans of, straight up coconut milk.
  • 1 teaspoon paprika. (You can also use Sweet Smoked Paprika, if you want a smoky flavor and don’t care about authenticity)
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons ground coriander
  • 1 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/3 cup water
  • OPTIONAL: Coconut Flour (2 TB)

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Combine the paprika, turmeric, coriander, cumin, cayenne, lemon juice, salt and water into a runny paste. My version of this was downright liquid, but don’t worry.
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Throw the chicken in there, and mix it to make sure it is fully coated. Marinate for 10-60 minutes. (Depends on how much time you have)

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Meanwhile, Slice your Onions, Garlic and Ginger.

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Get out your cooking receptacle. Over medium high heat, heat the oil. Make sure you are heating the oil INSIDE the wok or skillet (lol.) Add the mustard seeds, and wait just until they start popping and skipping . When you are done cooking, you will have mustard seeds lodged everywhere from your cooking vent to your eyeballs. Don’t panic. This is normal.

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Add the garlic and ginger, fry for a minute or two. Do not allow them to burn.

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Add the onion, cook until the edges of the onions start to turn golden brown, stirring as needed so the garlic doesn’t burn excessively. Lower the heat to “gentle”
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Add the chicken/marinade mix and cook until the chicken pieces are sealed, or basically, until they are white on the outside.

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Add coconut milk. This will cool the mixture and it will stop boiling, so raise the heat until you can get a good simmer going.

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Simmer until the sauce is thick. If you are lazy and impatient, then simmer until the chicken is cooked all the way through, and add the coconut flour to thicken it. Coconut flour is crazy absorbent, it will do the trick, I promise.

Garnish with cilantro and sliced cucumber, and go eat your curry!

DOE EYED SCD DEVOTEE PERKS UP

What about the pie??

Hush, my child… here is that part of the recipe. Just make sure your curry is quite cold before you do this, or else you are just going to melt all the ghee in the crust and burn your hands!

THE CRUST/PIE (for 4)

  • Coconut flour 3 Cups, add more if needed.
  • Salt- to taste
  • 4 Eggs, well beaten
  • Coconut Milk (just enough to air out the batter so it is workable. use your judgement)
  • Ghee- 3 Tsp
  • Melee of Indian Spices, up to you. I used sprinklings of Ginger, Garlic, Onion, Coriander, Cumin, Garam Masala, Cinnamon, Cardamom and Pepper, to taste. Go easy on the salt, you don’t want a saline crust.
  • If you happen to have them handy, the leftover guts of a cheese-less (THAT MEANS NO CHEESE) spinach pie taste really good with this curry. So, you know, feel free to have them on hand. By the way, if you do choose to use them, mix them up with just a tiny bit of beaten egg)
  • 4 Mini skillets (like, you know 4-5 inches), or 4″ Ramekins. (If you don’t know what a ramekin is, Google it)
  • Cilantro, Chopped.

We begin.

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees (Ok, seriously. Did you expect a photo of this? One would hope that if you can turn on a computer and navigate the internet, you know how to turn on an oven, okay?)
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Mix together the coconut flour and dry spices

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Break the COLD. (IT MUST BE COLD!!) Ghee up into tiny crumbs and “rub” into the coconut flour. Once this is done, the coconut flour will be slightly “sandy” You see what I did here? I had my friend take a lengthwise shot, because I am epic.

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Add the eggs, mix together until you form a dough. We are looking for something that resembles soft uncooked pie crust, or just plain dough. It should stick together fairly well. If it is too dry, add coconut milk. If it is too wet, add more coconut flour, but in very small amounts! Coconut flour is very absorbent. By now, it should start to be rather fragrant. The dough below is just a tad bit too dry, so I added a tiny bit of liquid to make it adhere a bit better.

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Grease your skillets/ramekins with ghee.

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Separate your dough into 8 equal sized balls. I was only making two pies, so I halved my recipe, and therefore only have 4 balls. Too bad for me. You will need two “balls” per container: one for the bottom crust; one for the top. Whether you choose to do one pie at a time, or do all the bottoms and then all the tops is up to you, but remember you can’t roll out more than one ball at a time, so stop panicking at the pin and start rolling!

IMAG1021Place your first ball of “crust” between two sheets of baker’s parchment. Roll out to the desired thickness. I’ve found that just under 1/8″ works out pretty nicely. You can go a little over, but don’t go up to 1/4″- that’s too thick. Don’t worry too much about the shape, it’s gluten-free, so it’s going to fall apart anyway.

It’s all good….

When done, carefully peel off the top layer of paper. You are going to have a sheet of baking parchment with some thin-rolled dough attached to it. Slowly and carefully flip the paper/dough over onto the skillet/ramekin.

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Loosen the dough by flexing the paper. It will fall apart on top of your pie tin. Don’t worry, just arrange your dough shards to that they are coating the sides and bottom evenly. If there’s any cracks, use your fingers to “stitch” them together. You might want to leave a little “lip” on the outside rim, so you can do a crimped crust later.

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Spoon your curry into your empty pie shell. If you have your spinach, throw some of that on top. The wetter you make the filling, the better, since coconut flour is very dry and you need a little something to keep it from being “sandy”.

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Finally, include chopped (or whole) cilantro.

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Now we need to seal the pie. Repeat steps you did to make the bottom of the pie, except do your very best to prevent the top of the pie from “cracking”. If it does, whatever. It’s still edible, and the cracks will allow any steam to escape. We’re trying to eat, not impress anyone, here.

Crimp the edges of the top and bottom layer together to form a seal. Or, if you are like me, make a fake “seal” using leftover scraps of dough. Yes, I realize this is ghetto, but at the time I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to make things look CIA-certified.

Brush crust with melted gee and put in the oven for 20-25 minutes, but check frequently to make sure it isn’t burning. It is done when the edges and top are just starting to turn brown. To give the crust an extra crispness, you can also put it under the broiler for exactly 20 seconds.

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Serve with more chopped Cilantro and a generous helping of (important!) SCD Yogurt, or Plain Yogurt, if you are not on the SCD Diet. Delicious!

Coming Next Week: Not sure, but I’m open to suggestions! Maybe some kind of pudding based cake?